Poor little russia. Europe has apparently spent 200 years trying to wipe it off the map, while Russia somehow spent those same centuries expanding across Siberia, the Caucasus and Central Asia and becoming the largest country on Earth. Presumably all that territory just wandered into Moscow by itself.
And the West maliciously tried to trade with Russia, apparently thinking that flooding the Russian state with money would somehow scare the shit out of them….
“Boris, Hitler has just invaded Poland from the west.”
“Excellent. We have the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact. Let’s invade from the east.”
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“Nikolai, Finland won’t give us the territory we demanded around Leningrad.”
“Security threat?”
“Obviously.”
“Invade.”
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“Ivan, Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania are independent countries sitting next to us.”
“That sounds dangerously threatening.”
“What should we do?”
“Ultimatums, Red Army, occupation, annexation. For security, obviously.”
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“Comrade, the Hungarians are revolting against Soviet domination and want the Russians out.”
“Security threat. Send the tanks into Budapest.”
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“Comrade, Czechoslovakia is liberalising.”
“Jesus Christ. They might choose their own political system.”
“Security threat?”
“Massive security threat. Invade.”
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“Comrade, Afghanistan’s government might slip out of our control.”
“Security threat. Invade the country, kill its leader and install another one.”
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“Kolya, the Chechens declared independence.”
“Security threat. Send the army into Grozny. But send a few guys to blow up apartments and blame it on the Chechens first!”
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“Misha, Moldova has a separatist conflict in Transnistria.”
“Excellent. Back the separatist side and make sure Russian troops are still there decades later.”
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“Dmitri, Georgia is looking westward and there’s a war around South Ossetia.”
“Security threat. Send Russian forces into Georgia, then recognise South Ossetia and Abkhazia as independent.”
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“Hey Vladimir, Ukraine is moving closer to the EU after Yanukovych abandoned the association agreement and fled.”
“Security threat. Take Crimea.”
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“Hey Igor, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Poland and the others say they joined NATO because they have some strange historical concern that Russia might someday use military force against its neighbours.”
“Ridiculous paranoia.”
“So what do we do?”
“Demand NATO stop expanding and remove forces and infrastructure from countries that joined after 1997.”
“And if they refuse?”
“Invade Ukraine.”
“Won’t that make every country bordering us think their fear of Russia was justified?”
“Shut up, Igor.”
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And all that time Europe was moving their military closer and closer to wipe Russia off the map as they have been trying to do for 200 years.