i had this musician friend who was extremely sensitive to sound. in high school he started playing drums without earplugs, thinking the hearing damage would make things quieter
he eventually realized it wasn't working. things didn't get quieter, only more garbled. the sensitivity was just as bad, but there were added issues of ringing, ear pain, and difficulty getting meaning from sound. it was one of the great griefs of his life
sometimes i feel like i did the same with meaning. many concepts were so overwhelming and painful as a child that i couldn't bear them. in my teens, i tried to inure myself through exposure. but rather than overcoming the sensitivity i gave myself semantic damage