Statler: I just read that Lea Michelle is going to do ‘Funny Girl’ on Broadway Waldorf: well she didn’t read about it anyways Both: oh ho ho ho

Statler: I think Kermit is worried about the wrong cancellation Waldorf: oh why? Statler: because this awful show is the only thing that should be cancelled Both: oh ho ho ho ho ho

Statler: The Queen is celebrating her platinum jubilee. I can’t imagine just sitting in a seat and doing the same job for seventy years Waldorf: can’t be too hard we’ve done that for nearly fifty Both: Oh ho ho ho ho

Waldorf: Monkey pox, rampant in the UK. That brings back memories. Statler: That’s because you had small pox you old fool

Statler: 32 years since we lost our friend huh? Waldorf: y’know I’ve felt a little emptier these last 32 years… RIP Jim Henson

Statler: Elon Musk has his twitter deal on hold Waldorf: Y’know I heard it’s something to do with Crypto Statler: Crypt O? Like an Irish Vampire? Both: Oh Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho

Waldorf: My Chemical Romance, well I’ll be! Statler: Huh, sounds like “competing medication speed dating night” at the nursing home Both: Oh Ho Ho Ho Ho

Waldorf: Y’know the #Eurovision is this weekend Statler: I’m a vision? Waldorf: you’re more like a nightmare Both: Oh Ho Ho Ho Ho

Statler: It looks like they’re making another Dune movie with Christopher Walken Waldorf: where? Statler: Where what you old coot? Waldorf: Where is Christopher walkin’?

Statler: Well it would be better than what the Bear is putting out Waldorf: Pooh? Statler: No his comedy Waldorf: There’s a difference? Both: Oh Ho Ho Ho