Read this and now i don't know how i feel about it.
Children didn't get expensive, they got unnecessary and that should terrify you. Here's a comparison that sounds insulting until you sit with it.
Children are like horses. In the early 1900, major cities were drowning in horses. They powered, transportation, hauled goods, made economies move. People didn't keep horses because they loved horses. They kept them because they needed them. Then Henry Ford dropped the model T within a few years, the need collapsed not because horses got more expensive but because cars did the job better. Today, the only people who keep horses are the ones who genuinely love them, despite the cost, the mess and the work.
An economist named catherine pakaluk argues children are going through the same transition and the data backs her up. For most of human history children met three needs nobody had to consciously think about. They worked in the fields, in the family business and in the household economy. They provided security. If something happened to you, older children kept things running and they were your retirement plan, not metaphorically, literally.
Then machines replaced the labor, insurance and dual income replaced the security and social security replaced the retirement path. The need didn't fade slowly. It got systematically outsourced, program by program, technology by technology, until one day children were just optional. But here's the part that should actually unsettle you. Your grandparents didn't decide to have kids. That's just what they did by default. You're the first generation that has to actively choose it against a culture that models the good life as optimized, unencumbered and free. Behavioral science is unambiguous about what happens when something shifts from default to deliberate opt in. Participation collapses, no subsidy fixes a default shift. Japan tried bonuses, incentives paid parental leave for years. Birth rates kept falling because you can subsidize diapers. You can't subsidize desire. The fertility crisis isn't just an economic problem. It's a meaning problem. Ask almost any parent who genuinely loves their kids whether they'd wish they'd had fewer. Almost none of them say yes, So why does the story we're telling make it feel like the obvious answer is no?