•Bought a cheap Android with NFC. Cash. Never had a SIM in it and never will, you don’t need one for this.
•Sideloaded Mullvad, connected.
Everything below happened behind it.
•Made a Proton email on the phone.
•Made a Google account on the phone, with that Proton email. No name, no number.
•Signed that Google account into the phone. Installed Google Wallet. Added the card.
•Walked to the corner shop and bought an ice cream. Tap. Done.