Falling asleep feels too much like being awake
1
2
132
(Ghost makes a noise in the room) Excuse me, I did not see you raise your hand 🤨
1
51
Going to horny jail for a blackout dui
2
77
My lungs are pregnant with that bullshit weed
4
87
Boleslaus retweeted
My therapist said to ground myself I have to find 5 things I can fuck, 4 things I can suck, 3 things I can lick, 2 things I can pinch and 1 thing I can squeeze
10
1,111
13,754
185,619
Crumbs in the bed girlfriend or sawdust on the couch boyfriend
4
97
Haven't driven in a while, apparently they do lefts AND rights now
2
62
"I dont have netflix" made manifest
1
3
71
*slaps your tongue* is this thing on?
2
51
Zhou dynasty kush got me saying shit like "greetings"
67
Lead that bitch up, scantron
59
Hahaha that's so funny do you want to go toes to tip with me?
1
87
Calling myself a writer so I stop getting so much pussy all the time
3
96
On track to be the first magician ever to pull a rabbi out of a hat
10
122
Boleslaus retweeted
The sexual nerd pushes his glasses up with his tongue
2
17
535
Boleslaus retweeted
your balls look so heavy let me hold them for you
7
8
63
1,439
Boleslaus retweeted
the good news is you’ve perfectly articulated how you feel. the bad news is it isn’t funny or interesting and has no artistic merit whatsoever
28
1,466
12,451
136,055
Mom can you pick me up? Beautiful women are asking me for money
7
105
"I really like you but I have to do what is necessary" what's the point of liking me then retard?
1
64
Who up challenging they preconceptions
40
Teaching a beautiful woman to suck dick anamnetically
66