The uncomfortable part of having big goals is choosing a partner who actually believes you when you say you want them.
Having a man who pushes you to grow and gives it to you straight is harder than I thought it would be…
I have BIG goals. He knows exactly how big they are.
I’ve spent most of my life surrounded by people telling me I’m incredible, impressive, capable, strong. And for a long time, I thought what I wanted in a relationship was a man smarter, more successful, and more dominant than me so I could finally just be “baby girl.”
I wanted somewhere I didn’t have to be the strong one.
And I while do get that softness…. I get to be taken care of… I get to shut my brain off sometimes and let someone else lead.
But what I didn’t realize is that choosing a man like that also meant choosing someone who wasn’t always going to tell me what I wanted to hear.
Sometimes I’m overwhelmed and I want sympathy, and instead I get, “You said you wanted this. So figure it out.”
Sometimes I want someone to validate how hard something is, and instead he reminds me that the life I say I want requires me to become someone capable of handling hard things.
And that has been incredibly uncomfortable for me.
Because when everyone around you already thinks you’re impressive, it’s really easy to hit your own personal ceiling and live there.
I thought I needed a man who would give me somewhere to collapse when I was stressed, tired, and overwhelmed.
I’m realizing I needed a man who would let me rest, but wouldn’t let me get lazy, settle, or quit.
Someone who can hold me and still hold me accountable…
Someone who sees who I am now, but also sees the woman I keep saying I want to become and refuses to let me bullshit my way out of becoming her.
I’m learning that what feels good to me and what GROWS ME aren’t always the same thing.
And maybe what I thought I wanted wasn’t actually what I needed.