interviewer: so, where do you want to be in five years? me: *takes a long, thoughtful drink of water and looks interviewer in the eye* me: i want to own all the upgrade picks from the wirecutter

NOW COOP I NEED YOU TO LISTEN CAREFULLY. YOU CAN PRESS THE R3 BUTTON TO ACTIVATE YOUR “AGENT VISION”. IT’LL HELP YOU SEARCH THE AREA FOR CLUES. OH, AND BE SURE TO BRING ME ANY PIECES OF PIE YOU COME ACROSS. COLLECT ENOUGH, AND THE BOYS AT QUANTICO MIGHT HAVE AN UPGRADE FOR YOU.

charspamder

If you've been wondering how long Gloria Gaynor has been surviving, Google says it's been longer than you'd think. #d23

RIP dante you would have LOVED ao3 and wattpad

So Trevor Noah at the #MadeByGoogle event... what was that about?? Now up at @CNET. cnet.com/tech/mobile/trevor-…

Friend, It’s Odysseus. We’re WINNING on the plains of Troy, but we still haven’t received your donation. Can you chip in just 27 drachmae to make sure our crew can get back to Ithaca?

I mentioned that my garage door was making a sound. An American immediately said, "I got a guy." He did not ask what the sound was. He did not ask what kind of door. He produced a guy on the basis of the word garage. I asked who the guy was. He said, "Just a guy." He did not have a company name. He had a first name and a phone number in his phone saved as "Mike Garage." That is the contact name. Mike Garage. As though Garage is his surname. As though there is a family. I asked how he found this guy. "My brother-in-law used him." I asked if the brother-in-law was satisfied. He thought about it. Then he said, "He's still standing." The house is still standing. That is the entire review. Inside I said: THEY DO NOT KEEP RECORDS. THEY KEEP LOYALTIES. I called Mike Garage. He answered from inside a vehicle. There was wind. He said he could come Tuesday between eleven and four. Between eleven and four. A window of five hours. In my country this would be a scandal. Here it is generous. He gave me a window at all. Some guys do not give you a window. Some guys say "Tuesday" and that is the whole appointment. He came at 1:40. He fixed it in twenty minutes. He charged me less than I expected and he did not take a card, only cash or an app I had never heard of. Before leaving he looked at my water heater, which I had not mentioned, and said, "That's gonna go." I asked when. "Couple years." I asked what I should do. He said, "I'll give you a guy." He gave me a guy. Mike Garage has a guy. The guy has a guy. There is a network beneath this country made entirely of men named after their function, and none of them advertise, and all of them are busy. Inside I said: THERE IS A SECOND NATION HERE. IT HAS NO SIGNS. IT IS ENTERED ONLY BY INTRODUCTION. I have been given four guys since. I have a guy for trees. I did not know I needed a guy for trees. I have trees now, apparently. They are my responsibility. A man named Rick told me so and then left.

husband went to see The Odyssey

same.

Any time I see the phrase “enfant terrible” I always mentally translate it as “terrible baby”

ooh i’m zohran mamdani. my wife is hot. my favorite soccer team won the league for the first time in 22 years. my favorite basketball team won the championship for the first time in 53 years. fuck you man.

if i walk into a hotel room and see this bad boy i know ima be wakin up the next morning in hoth

stop spending money on Claude Code. Chipotle's support bot is free:

Today, we sent a supermajority vote of no confidence to Ziff Davis General Manager, Kate Gutman. Here’s why. (1/7)

Our official #BestofCES finalists have been chosen 🏆 Determined by our team of experts from CNET, Mashable, PCMag, ZDNET and Lifehacker, see what made the list this #CES2026 cnet.com/best-of-ces-2026/?t…

This is awesome. We don’t need kids anymore because of AI.

just saw dick cheney sitting outside a cafe in fort greene. he smiled and mouthed “dark knight rises” at me before tossing a calamari in the air and missing his mouth

was unemployed, tired of interviewing, trying to manifest something. now it's more than five years on and I've upgraded myself into @CNET ✌🏼

in the coming days, twitter will be introducing a new algorithm. when you see my tweets, pls like, comment, and subscribe. not bc you like my tweets but bc i easily get under people's skin. this will spread my tweets further, thus annoying your ideological enemies

Are you a gamer? If so, we’d love to hear from you! Take our quick survey on game systems and gear and be entered to win $250 in Amazon credit! survey.alchemer.com/s3/83995…