in order to make great pop music you need to have influences outside of pop music

Dated one of these types in my mid 20s as a side/gf which my wife said would be a lesson learnt (why she hates alt girls in general). Worst experience of my life. They're avoidant 98% of the time and when you give them space the 2% kicks in and suddenly not being responsive is the equivalent of what you see below

Reneé Rapp says she’s so gay that penises genuinely make her feel sick to her stomach Alexandra Cooper: “What is the most lesbian thing about you?” Reneé Rapp: “Toa said this to me the other day. She was like, ‘You are so fucking gay. You are so much gayer than I am.’” “And I was like, ‘Excuse me? What are you talking about? Look at you. Are we deadass right now?’” “And she was like, ‘No, no, no. You are so much gayer than I am. You are so deeply, deeply, deeply repulsed by dick. It is insane.’” “And it’s true. I can’t even. It makes my stomach turn. It makes me sick to my stomach. I don’t understand it. I can’t get behind it.” “I don’t like the shape. I don’t like the fact that it’s… I hate it. It makes me deeply upset and sick to my stomach.” “Are you aware of something called dorking?” Alexandra Cooper: “No?” Reneé Rapp: “Yeah, don’t be. Oh my God, I’m getting, like, viscerally sick thinking about it.” “It’s where people with dicks, like, they twerk with their… they dance, basically. I just found out about it and I was like, ‘You all are fucking repulsive. You have to stop that right now.’” “I feel assaulted just by hearing it. Just by hearing it.” Alexandra Cooper: “Wait, they’re swinging their wieners around?” Reneé Rapp: “Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate. I can’t do it.” “When you’re so gay or so lesbian, you can make jokes about it and it’s like, ‘Hee hee hee.’ I’m like, no, literally not at all. It makes me sick to my stomach.” “I’ve just warmed up to it to where I can hear it. But I think that’s the most lesbian thing about me. It makes me viscerally upset. There’s a deep, guttural… I’m literally like, ‘Stop it right now.’”

This is the absolute LAST post I ever expected to be making on the Monday of my bodybuilding show week. After months of weighing every gram of food, tracking every calorie, hitting my workouts, doing my cardio, practicing my posing, and preparing myself mentally, physically, and spiritually to step on stage this Saturday, I spent this past weekend binge eating in a way I’ve never experienced before. And when I say binge eating, I don’t mean I went out and enjoyed a cheat meal or ate a little more than I was supposed to. I mean I completely lost control. I kept eating long after my stomach was telling me to stop. I was physically uncomfortable, I wasn’t even enjoying the food anymore, and yet I continued eating. And the scariest part wasn’t even the amount of food I consumed. It was what was going through my head while I was doing it. At a certain point, it felt like I was intentionally sabotaging myself. Like there was a part of me that wanted to ruin everything I had worked so hard for. And I’ve spent the last couple of days asking myself WHY. Was I afraid I wasn’t going to look good enough on stage? Was I afraid of disappointing myself? Was I putting so much pressure on myself that I subconsciously wanted a way out? I don’t have all the answers. But those are some uncomfortable questions I’ve had to start asking myself. After the first binge, I told my coach Chris Elkins everything. Every single thing I ate. We talked about it, and the plan was to move forward, reassess, and take things day by day. The next day, I got right back to my routine. Tracked my food, followed my plan, and genuinely thought I had moved past what happened. Then nighttime came. What started as one extra bite of food turned into another binge. And this one was even worse than the first. I can’t even explain how disappointed I felt afterward. Not because I had eaten food that wasn’t on my plan. But because I had reached a point where I felt like I couldn’t stop myself from doing something I knew was hurting me. I woke up physically miserable. My face was extremely swollen, my body felt awful, and I was looking at myself in the mirror trying to understand how I had gotten here. And now here I am. Five days away from the competition I’ve spent months preparing for, roughly 10 pounds heavier than I was going into the weekend, and genuinely uncertain whether I’m going to step on stage this Saturday. Chris believes competing is still an option. Part of me wants to finish what I started. Another part of me wonders whether postponing until November would be the better decision. Because I know how much work I put into this prep. And I also know that the choices I made this weekend have consequences. I’m not going to sit here and blame anybody else. I’m not going to pretend it didn’t happen. And I’m definitely not going to ask anyone to feel sorry for me. But I also don’t want to spend the rest of my life beating myself up over two days. I made those choices. I have to own them. And now I have to figure out how to move forward. One thing this weekend has forced me to recognize is just how much pressure I’ve been putting on myself. Not only with bodybuilding, but with life in general. Constantly working. Constantly thinking about what’s next. Constantly being on my phone. Constantly feeling like I need to be doing MORE. And somewhere along the way, I stopped giving myself enough room to just live. So regardless of whether I compete Saturday or in November, some things are going to change. I’m prioritizing my sleep. I’m taking real breaks from social media. I’m giving myself time to recover. And I’m going to take a serious look at my relationship with food and the pressure I’ve been putting on myself. I’m not going to pretend I’ve figured everything out in 48 hours. I haven’t. And I don’t want to turn this into some inspirational story about how I fell down and immediately got back up stronger than ever. I’m still figuring it out.