Around this time last year, my life fell apart.
My partner of eight years and I decided to divorce.
I dove into what I knew…my work, Roy’s at Marfa, Birds. I kept moving because I didn’t want to stop and feel.
I carried this feeling that I hadn’t appreciated what I had when I had it.
That I should have been more present.
And it broke me.
Guilt. Regret. Shame.
Eventually, release.
That love isn’t mine to feel anymore. But maybe absence for me means presence somewhere else.
And wouldn’t that be beautiful for the world? Maybe it’s true of my love, too.
This year has taught me a lot about being here while I’m here.
To love things without needing to keep them.
To appreciate this life while I’m actually living it.
I’ve started to breathe again.
Much of what I was trying to understand found its way into Birds. Presence, absence, attention, and eventually, letting go.
And now, almost exactly a year later, I’m heading back to Marfa to close out the year with a Birds installation.
There’s something beautifully circular about that.
Same place.
A different year.
A very different me.