Activist: "Beef is the least vegan thing on the planet."
Farmer: "What did he eat?"
Activist: "Who?"
Farmer: "The bullock. What's been in him for two years."
Activist: "Grass."
Farmer: "Grass, clover, a bit of hedge when he can reach it. Two years of nothing but plants. He's the strictest vegan on this farm and he's never once mentioned it."
Activist: "That's not the point."
Farmer: "It's the only point. You eat a plant and keep a tenth of what's in it. He's got four stomachs and a tank of bacteria that strips the lot and hands it back as fat and marbling. He's a plant with the hard work done."
Activist: "You're twisting it."
Farmer: "Your lunch was a bean that got boiled, a leaf that got washed and a tablet to replace what neither of them had. His was a hillside. One of you got the nutrition out of the plants, and it wasn't the one with the lanyard."
Activist: "Eating him isn't vegan."
Farmer: "It's the most vegan thing you'll ever do. A steak is six tonnes of grass with the roughage taken out. You've been eating the roughage and calling it the principle."