When Margaret Thatcher made England and Wales the only countries in the world with fully privatised water, the naysayers argued it was a terrible idea. Today, everyone agrees privatisation has been a roaring success. It has delivered an impressive rise in customer bills which has coincided with an equally impressive rise in shareholder profits. These improvements were delivered through efficiency savings, such as not building any reservoirs since 1992 and forgetting about silly ideas like sewage treatment. Thanks to neoliberalism, turds are now a common sight at our beaches and marine life is not. If that wasn’t impressive enough, the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs has confirmed the UK is officially the world’s dampest desert. Three-quarters of the nation has been plunged into drought, despite the fact it constantly pisses down. You are therefore banned from gardening and bathing your children so that data centres don’t go without. No one knows why countries that contain actual deserts don’t experience the same difficulties we do. For example, Saudi Arabia doesn’t have a hose pipe ban. Unfortunately, we live in a place where the weather breaks everything. Sunshine? Drought. Rain? Floods. An inch of snow? The whole country closes for some reason. The only weather the UK can actually cope with is grey and miserable. Any deviation leads to immediate national collapse. If we didn’t have such a brilliant water system, we’d be in serious trouble. But thankfully, our system is built to protect corporate profits, no matter what. Everything is secondary to that, including your ability to drink. Thankfully, Andy Burnham is showing leadership on the matter. He is taking the emergency step of doing absolutely nothing. When questioned about nationalisation, the Prime Minister calmly explained that his donors won’t allow it. In a bizarre coincidence, the system that allows them to personally profit is the only one that could possibly work. Sure, we could end up with crop failures and food shortages, but I’m sure things would’ve been worse if Jeremy Corbyn had got his way. Obviously, this is not a systemic problem, it’s a technological one. Virtually all our rainfall is lost because we can’t make pipes that don’t burst. Water companies have absolutely no incentive to stop leaks and every incentive not to, but I’m confident this has nothing whatsoever to do with the matter.

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Two Reform Councillors had died before they were elected. Five have quit because they never actually wanted to be Councillors. At least four have been fired because they are vile racists. One is complaining because he thought he'd be an MP. One was completely made up Clown party

I want to say something many will hate but it needs to be said. I have met Nigel Farage. I do not know him well but I know the world he moves in. We move in similar circles sometimes. The kind of private rooms and members clubs that most people in Britain will never see. I know how the rich speak about ordinary people. They laugh. They joke about how easy it is to wind you up. They know exactly which buttons to press. They know you are angry and tired and struggling and they know you want someone to blame. That is why they point at boats while they pick your pockets. I did not grow up rich. I did not grow up in privilege. I understand struggle and the real world. But my life changed and now I see both sides. I sit with billionaires and politicians and decision makers and I hear conversations you never will. I know the truth. They do not care about you. They do not care about your future. They care about profit and control. They see ordinary people as tools or distractions. I am telling you this because I am tired of watching good people being manipulated. Look at your life before Brexit and look at it now. Look at your shopping bills. Look at what food costs in Europe right now. Look at how much tax you pay on imports. Look at your wages and energy prices and mortgages. Look at the 10,000 NHS staff we lost when freedom of movement ended. Look at the ambulances that do not arrive. Look at nurses and teachers using food banks. Tell me honestly. Are you better off? Nigel helped build the crisis you are living in. Then he pointed at immigrants and told you to blame them. That is the con. He pulled the UK out of the Dublin III agreement which means we cannot return asylum seekers to Europe anymore. He created the boat chaos then told you to panic about it. Someone who worked in immigration for more than ten years told me they saw it coming. It was planned. It is a strategy. And you are falling for it. Now he wants austerity again. He wants to cut wages for young people. He wants to rip up workers rights. He wants private health insurance and a French style NHS where the rich get treated first and the poor get nothing. He wants you fighting each other so you never see who is robbing you. If you vote for him you are voting to destroy your own life. Not mine. Yours. None of this affects me personally. I drink champagne with the people who control the money. I will be fine no matter what. Reform will not hurt me. Reform will hurt you. It will hurt your children. Your parents. Your future. I am telling you because I care. If I did not care I would stay silent and watch you suffer. You think I am your enemy because I make you uncomfortable. I am not. Your enemy is the one who lies to you and blames the vulnerable while he empties your pockets. Reform will not save you. Reform will finish you. Think. Before they take everything. 💷🇬🇧☕️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🫖

I was fired by Apple today. Me and my design team have spent the last 18 months tirelessly testing different levels of gaussian blur on backgrounds when foreground elements are in focus. If you are looking for experts in the blur, glass liquid, grass or fur UI space, lmk.

Hope the guys making this thing are recording a bunch of increasingly ominous audio logs about the process onto individual USB sticks and scattering them around the facility

Microsoft will literally invent a new form of matter instead of fixing Teams

Does he have any fucking idea how stupid and ridiculous he looks from our point of view

Unknown object broke up in the sky last night in Texas. Reports say it was a meteor.

we asked AI for an ACCURATE depiction of Trump ACTUALLY working at McDonald's @MeidasTouch

No matter your views on her stated reasons for quitting, Rosie Duffield has made a political career out of dehumanising one of the most marginalised groups in society. She should never have been allowed the privilege of resigning. Labour should have withdrawn the whip long ago.

Insane painting by Steven Novak 🤯

Still my favourite meme

I’m sorry but all these joke candidates are deeply unfunny and make a mockery of our electoral system… but anyway enough about Rees Mogg, how did baked bean head man get on

Name a scene where a director went ‘God Mode’ I’ll start:

whenever I need my NI number I search for an email my mum sent me in 2014 which is the only place it’s written down. been doing this for ten years. I technically run a business

do people with 9-5 jobs actually live like this?

vec3 f=vec3(.2,.4,1.5),p;for(float i,e,g,S,u;i++<50.;o+=exp(e*5e3-sin(vec4(4,3,2,0)*p.z-log(S)))/50.){p=vec3((FC.xy-.5*r)/r.y*g,g)-i/3e4;mat2 M=rotate2D(t/8.);p.yz*=M*M;p--;p.yx*=M;S=5.;for(int j;j++<20;p/=u)S/=u=dot(p=2.*clamp(p,-f,f)-p,p);g-=e=p.z/S;} #つぶやきGLSL

RT @KramericaIntern: John Lennon waking up after butt crack surgery: Where's Yoko? Butt crack surgeon: Who do you think gave you the butt…