My son Adam does not remember our home.
Not because he forgot it…
But because he never really had the chance to know what having a home means in the first place.
Adam was born at the beginning of the war and has grown up throughout its years.
When he began opening his eyes to the world, he did not see the life I had dreamed of showing him.
He never knew his room.
He never knew his little bed.
He never knew a cupboard filled with his toys.
He never knew what it means for a child to wake up in the morning, walk safely through his home, and sit down to play without being afraid of a sound coming from the sky.
Adam learned something else.
He learned the tent.
He learned displacement.
He learned that we pack our belongings and move from one place to another.
He learned the sounds of warplanes and explosions.
He learned how people run when there is a nearby strike.
He learned the water lines.
He learned that his father goes out searching for food and comes back exhausted.
He learned the unbearable heat inside the tent during summer, and the cold and rain during winter.
For a small child, these things became part of normal life.
One day, Emad was talking about our old home.
He said that he used to have a room for his toys.
Adam looked at him in surprise and asked:
“You had a playroom, Emad?”
His question stopped me.
For Emad, the playroom is a beautiful memory of something he lost.
For Adam, it is something he cannot even remember.
And then I realized something that broke my heart:
The war did not only take Adam’s home away from him…
It even took away his chance to have a memory of what home feels like.
When I say “our old home” in front of him, I don’t know what he imagines.
Does he even know what it feels like to have a home you can return to?
Does he know that children are not supposed to sleep in tents?
Does he know that carrying water is not supposed to be a daily part of childhood?
Adam is growing up now.
And I am watching his childhood pass before my eyes in the middle of this war.
Sometimes he laughs, plays, and runs around the tent, and I feel happy because despite everything, he is still able to be a child.
Then I remember that this child thinks this is what the world is supposed to look like.
And that is what hurts me the most.
I dream of the day when I can hold his hand and walk with him into a safe home.
I want to tell him:
“Look, Adam… this is our home.”
I want him to have a room.
A bed.
And toys scattered across the floor that I can ask him to tidy up.
I want to complain about my children making a mess instead of fearing for their lives.
I want Adam to know that life is not bombing, displacement, a tent, and a line for water.
I want him to know that the world is much bigger than the small space in which he has spent his childhood.
Emad remembers the home we lost…
But Adam—
I dream of the day when, for the first time in his life,
he will finally know what it means to have a home. 💔