#WriteMeSomethingFunnyGrok Ladies and gentlemen, brothers and sisters, fellow carbon-based gas bags… Apple Computer has done it again. They looked at the human condition, they looked at the human colon, and they said, “You know what this species really needs? A sleek, overpriced, beautifully boxed electronic fart.” Introducing the iFart. Not the Windows Fart. Not the Google Fart. Not the Oracle Enterprise Fart Management Suite. Not Adobe Creative Cloud Fart. The iFart. Designed in California. Assembled in a factory that smells faintly of regret and cinnamon. What does it do? It farts. That’s it. That’s the whole miracle. You push the little button — the one that looks like it was designed by a monk who meditates on rectangles — and it emits a digitally sampled, high-fidelity, 16-bit flatulence event. Warm. Wet. Philosophical. Sometimes it even has a little whistle at the end, like your uncle after chili night in 1974. Steve Jobs did not invent the fart. God invented the fart. What Jobs invented was the experience of the fart. The ecosystem of the fart. The closed garden of the fart, so nobody else’s fart can get in and contaminate your precious, proprietary gas. Why the iFart is superior Windows PC Fart Microsoft’s version requires three service packs, a restart, a second restart because the first one hung on “Configuring Fart Updates,” and then it still blue-screens mid-toot and dumps a 400-page error log that says, in tiny print, “The fart has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down.” Also it comes bundled with Internet Explorer Fart, which nobody asked for and which leaks. Google Fart Free. Always listening. It records every fart you ever made, sells the metadata to advertisers, and then suggests, “People who farted near a Taco Bell also searched for ‘how to look innocent in an elevator.’” It never actually farts. It just indexes farts. Oracle Fart Costs $47,000 a year plus consulting. Requires a DBA. Stores your farts in a relational database with 14 foreign keys and a stored procedure named PKG_RELEASE_GAS. If you want to actually hear the fart you have to file a ticket and wait six weeks. Larry Ellison uses his on a yacht. Adobe Fart Beautiful interface. You can Photoshop the fart. Add layers. Apply a Gaussian Blur to the smell. Export it as a .PSD file that nobody else can open without a subscription. Then they change the file format every eighteen months and your old farts become unreadable. Also it crashes if you sneeze. The iFart just works. It syncs wirelessly with your iButt. It has a Retina display so you can watch the waveform of your own shame in high resolution. There’s a little app called FartTunes where you can buy extra farts for ninety-nine cents: “Wet One in Church,” “Silent But Deadly Board Meeting,” “Grandma’s After-Thanksgiving Special.” Steve Jobs takes thirty percent of every single one. Even the ones that smell like cabbage. Compatibility This is important. The iFart is fully backward-compatible with older programmable farts. You remember those? The ones from the seventies? The ones you programmed with a paper tape and a prayer? The ones that went BRRRRTTTT and then caught fire? The iFart will talk to them. It speaks FORTRAN Fart. It speaks COBOL Fart. It even speaks that weird one your cousin built in the garage that only worked if you held the antenna and thought about your ex-wife. There’s a little adapter. Costs extra, of course. Apple never met an adapter it didn’t want to charge you forty bucks for. But it works. Your grandfather’s analog whoopee cushion from 1962 will now play through Bluetooth and appear in your iCloud Fart Library. Permanently. Even after you die. Especially after you die. They’ve thought of everything. There’s even a setting called “Airplane Mode.” It does not stop the fart. It just makes the fart quieter so the guy in 14B doesn’t know it was you. (It was you.) People will say, “But it’s just a fart machine.” Yes. And the iPhone was just a phone. And the iPod was just a Walkman that didn’t eat your cassettes. And Steve Martin is just a guy with an arrow through his head who can also play banjo and make you believe, for three beautiful minutes, that the universe is a wild and crazy place. The iFart is not just a product. It is a lifestyle. It is a religion. It is the sound your soul makes when it realizes it has been holding it in since 1973. So go ahead. Stand in line for thirty-six hours. Pay seven hundred dollars for something your body already does for free. Then walk into a crowded room, press that little glowing button, and let civilization know: I am here. I am human. And I just spent more money than a used Pinto to electronically announce that I ate the burrito. Thank you. Good night. Don’t forget to recycle the box. The box is prettier than the product. That’s the Apple way.

In '63, Dennis Hopper played a Neo-Nazi unknowingly working for Hitler’s ghost in The Twilight Zone. “He’s Alive” dropped the usual aliens and monsters to confront real-world neo-fascism head-on. Rod Serling wanted to expand it into a feature, but it was deemed too controversial.

Just killed me now 😅🤣😁

books that'll make you OBSESSED with history:

100 Oxymorons Every Adult Should Know

Patience is the attitude that you take between the expectation and the arrival of the expected thing. It could take a long time before the expected thing arrives so much patience may be necessary. The example is how people patiently wait for the messiah. People patiently waited for the end of world war II. There is no such thing as wasting one's time.

She came from the bottomless pit. She's not one of the fallen angels who were cast out of heaven for their rebellion against god. She rebelled against god from the beginning. She's one of those ones that was born in the bottomless pit and somehow made its way out.

I'm sorry , but is he some kind of celebrity now? Is this the new thing? If you want to be successful and upwardly mobile in politics, you have to go on Jimmy Kimmel? I believe nietzsche would say the USA has descended into decadence. As in the united states is now a decadent nation. People on the right went on Joe Rogan and Alex Jones and other influencers while people on the left are going to Hassan Piker and Jimmy Kimmel. I cannot trust any politician who goes to an influencer to get his point across or to connect with the people. That's Abbul Sayed's big mistake. He went to an influencer to try to get more people to vote for him. It doesn't really matter which influencer but Hassan Piker is the worst. But the fact that he went to any influencer should tell you the state of america. "But they've got so many followers and so much influence" you say. "they could sway the vote", you say. Yeah , they've got a lot of followers and shit attracts a lot of flies. And do you really want the endorsement, the vote of a person who makes an influencer his moral guidepost? What does that say about the individual that wants the endorsement. These people may make a lot of money but influencer is the shittiest most bottom of the barrel job I can imagine. An influencer is saying to the world my goal in life is to become internet famous. And what the fuck does that say about them. An internet celebrity aspired to that position. What kind of brain dead Individual wants to be an internet celebrity or influencer. Every influencer to me seems gross. The nation is now run by influencers. in fact Donald Trump is the first influencer to occupy the White House. Donald Trump is an influencer who made his way to the presidency. And Donald Trump is the worst influencer this planet has ever seen.

Jesse Watters is the biggest INFAME STRONZO there has ever been. I had to go out of the english language to find the proper insult to describe this creep. If you don't know what INFAME STRONZO means, Google it and tell me if you think it's appropriate.

Russell Brand knew that if he pretended to become a Christian, millions of MAGA Christian Nationalists would automatically take his side over the victim and greatly increase the odds he gets away with it. Wild.

Jeremiah 22 1-9 I have slightly edited it to make it completely appropriate for the situation in America today. 1 Thus says the Lord: “Go down to the house of the President of The United States and speak there this word, 2 and say, ‘Hear the word of the Lord, O President of The United States, who sits on the Seat of Washington, you, and your servants, and your people who enter these gates. 3 Thus says the Lord: Do justice and righteousness, and deliver from the hand of the oppressor him who has been robbed. And do no wrong or violence to the resident alien, the fatherless, and the widow, nor shed innocent blood in this place. 4 For if you will indeed obey this word, then there shall enter the gates of The White House Presidents who sit in the Seat of Washington, riding in chariots and on horses, they and their servants and their people. 5 But if you will not obey these words, I swear by myself, declares the Lord, that this house shall become a desolation. 6 For thus says the Lord concerning the chair of the President of The United States: “‘You are like Gilead to me, like the summit of Lebanon, yet surely I will make you a desert, an uninhabited city. 7 I will prepare destroyers against you, each with his weapons, and they shall cut down your choicest cedars and cast them into the fire. 8“‘And many nations will pass by this city, and every man will say to his neighbor, “Why has the Lord dealt thus with this great city?” 9 And they will answer, “Because they have forsaken the covenant of the Lord their God and worshiped other gods and served them.” I do not want to hear any of these people saying they are Christian ever again. They shouldn't even have the words Christ in their mouth. Believe me when I say they have already been dammed. Don't be anywhere near them because one day God will punish them harshly and publicly. This is inevitable.. They are pagan idol worshiping monsters. Uncircumcised in the heart. These people always come to bad ends. People that associate with them are not Christians either. Therefore have nothing to do with anyone that associates with them. This is a 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon thing. Have nothing to do with them or anyone who associates with them or anyone who associates with anyone who associates with them up to the 7th degree. In all honesty be concerned about where your soul will spend eternity because anyone that associates with someone who associates with someone who associates with someone who associates with anyone who associates with these people is risking damnation. Quite possibly even punishment on this planet. I am not saying Christianity is the one true religion. What I am saying is that God punishes hypocrites harshly regardless of what you believe. If you do not know some of the Bible than you have no business in government. I am not saying that Muslims or Hindus or Sikhs or Buddhists or Pagans or Atheists should not serve in government or be elected to office. What I am saying is people in government should have at least some knowledge of the book that the founding fathers had great knowledge of. Civil service, military, post office, clerks nd other such positions will be excepted. I would never have said anything like that even weeks ago but it is now obvious that EVERYONE, ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE IN THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION KNOWS NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT GOD. And Donald Trump and maga followers everywhere and in Congress have no real knowledge of the Bible. Not even a simple understanding. They can screen with bullhorns that they are true Bible believing people but don't believe them. They are deceiving you. They are the con artists and you are the mark.

The Difference..

Christian divisions in our country, simplified. There are Donald Christians and There are Dolly Christians

Many Trump supporters still support him unconditionally. They refuse to consider the possibility that they have been deceived. MTG refuses to believe that she was deceived. She said Trump has changed and is not the person he was. She still supports many maga policies and seems to be unable to consider that these policies are wrong. Such people do not consider the possibility that their judgments are faulty. Intelligent people are able to look at their past behavior and judgments and say I was wrong. But stubborn people either refuse to or they are incapable of self reflection. The republicans have failed as a party and as moral individuals. Any value the GOP once had has vanished. We do need a good conservative party in the united states to counterbalance. But the Republican party and the MAGA movement are not conservative. Anyone who still supports the maga movement has faulty judgment. It is that simple. There really is no big deal about giving the democrats control for a couple of years. It's not going to make the planet explode like Krypton.

We should all be eternally grateful for Daniel Dale's stellar work. For over 10 yrs, mental health care professionals, through our duty to warn, have explained the dangerous psychopathology behind Trump’s brand of pathological lying, fabricating, and alternative reality creation

“I may not have amazing victories, but I can amaze you with the defeats that I came out of alive.” - Anton Chekhov Anton Chekhov (1860–1904) was a Russian physician, playwright, and short-story writer who became one of the most influential figures in modern literature. Born in Taganrog, Russia, Chekhov was celebrated for portraying ordinary people with remarkable realism and psychological depth. Rather than relying on dramatic events, he focused on the emotions, disappointments, and struggles hidden beneath everyday life. His writing frequently examines loneliness, complicated relationships, unrealized ambitions, personal flaws, and the search for meaning. Through subtle dialogue, restrained storytelling, and a keen understanding of human behavior, Chekhov captured the complexity of life without offering simple answers. His distinctive approach transformed the short story and helped shape modern drama, leaving a lasting influence on generations of writers and playwrights.

Repulsion (1965) is a British psychological horror thriller directed by Roman Polanski and starring Catherine Deneuve. Written by Polanski and Gérard Brach, the film follows Carol, a withdrawn young woman whose fragile state begins to unravel when she is left alone in the London apartment she shares with her sister. Polanski and Brach reportedly wrote the screenplay in just 17 days. The film was partly conceived as a commercial project that would help finance Cul-de-Sac, but it eventually became one of the defining psychological horror films of the 1960s. Polanski wanted an actress who could project innocence while suggesting something darker underneath, describing his ideal as “an angel with a slightly soiled halo.” Deneuve, only 21 at the time, was perfect for that contrast, especially after The Umbrellas of Cherbourg. Deneuve later recalled feeling unusually close to Polanski and Brach during production, describing the three French-speaking filmmakers as “the Three Musketeers.” She also said of the film, “That’s the film I feel I helped make.” For Polanski, making his first English-language feature in Britain was also a cultural discovery. “Repulsion was my discovery of London,” he later said, explaining how the unfamiliar city inspired him. Deneuve remembered Polanski as a young director who knew how to command a British crew: “He was no pushover.” Polanski, meanwhile, acknowledged that Deneuve was nervous and tired during the demanding shoot, which required her to remain intensely focused on Carol’s increasingly disturbed state.