Voldemort: "Barty, report!"
Barty: "Well, Potter and Malfoy are dating. They went on a Hogsmeade outing."
Voldemort: "And...?"
Barty: "Aside from a few arguments, and Potter's friends trying to interfere, it went well. Weasley's proving to be a problem: His date at the ball was a disaster."
Voldemort: "What, is he jealous?"
Barty: "More of the relationships his friends are having. Perhaps more of Granger getting closer to Krum. Shall I eliminate him?"
Voldemort: "No, no... Honestly, he has so many older brothers and not one of them taught him about girls? His father has, what, eight children? He didn't spare a moment to sort him out?"
Barty: "Sorry Master."
Voldemort: "Drop a hint to Malfoy to get one of her girls onto Weasley, that may end this situation. Now... The Second Task."
Barty: "All is prepared Master. Diggory gave Potter a hint for the egg, and will figure it out with the help of his friends and my secret advice."
Voldemort: "You're sure Malfoy will be his hostage?"
Barty: "Of course Master! And I encouraged the Judges to put crystal eye recorders down around the Merfolk village so the audience could actually see what's happening."
Voldemort: "Seriously, their original plans were just to have the audience stare at the lake for an hour?! WHO COMES UP WITH THIS NONSENSE?! The Wizarding World should be begging for my return! At least my sporting events will allow the spectators to see what's going on!"
Barty: "Yes Master."
Voldemort: "This also means we will get to see Potter rescue Malfoy! Ohhh, it will be so cu-sweet to see their bond deepen so that I will eventually use it to destroy him!"
Barty: "Yes Master!"
Voldemort: "What of Lucius, Barty? How has he reacted to the relationship?"
Barty: "Reportedly, not well. He is threatening to send Malfoy to Beauxbatons if she does not break off things."
Voldemort: "Ugh... I shall have to deal with him, too. Still, makes for a smashing film, doesn't it Wormtail?"
Wormtail: "Was... Was that a Monty Python reference, Master?"
Voldemort: "Of course it was you fool! And speaking of pythons-"
Wormtail: "ACK! PLEASE MASTER! NO CRUCIO! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING I SWEAR!"
Voldemort: "... No. No, that would make no sense for me to Crucio you after that joke. What are you, stupid?"
Wormtail: "Oh... Thank you Master."
Voldemort: "But Nagini says you got her some very bad rats for dinner so I'm going to let her bite you for a while to teach you a lesson. Nagini?"
Nagini: <With pleasure, Master.> *SNAP!*
Wormtail: "AAARRRRGGHHHH!"
Voldemort: "Honestly, following up a Python reference with a Crucio? Leave the jokes to the professionals, Wormtail."