It would sorta remind me of Lorgar if I ever thought Catholicism to be false. I’d be like him when he couldn’t believe the Emperor to be a god. So he tried and searched for anything to worship. A god that was worthy of worship. And in that I would be like him where I would end up following half truths like chaos because they were the only other thing to truth that existed and become a demon prince
Despite all my struggles since returning to the faith I’ve never once had a crisis in faith where I questioned if Catholicism is true or if another faith or denomination is true. A part of that is I would feel like I’m betraying my ancestors and people if I ever left the church and joined another. Another part is that I simply viewed the faith as something that can never be wrong. If somehow I ever thought Catholicism to be wrong I could never believe in anything again as I would view them all as lesser things to put faith in. If it’s wrong, then nothing is right and I’d probably be terrified of living in that kind of world where absolute good and truth doesn’t exist. It’ll probably be closer to living in Hell on Earth where I’m surrounded completely with degeneracy and sin with no hope for anything better and the only way to cope is to lobotomize myself to the point I can enjoy living in that kind of world in bliss and ignorance without a care for anything. The thought terrifies me of a scenario where that can happen. If anything though because I believe it to be absolutely indisputably true, then now I hold myself to greater responsibility and burdens because I can no longer lie to myself and pretend that it’s not true to feel better.