Anyone can call themselves a doctor on this app.
Probably looking for my phone
- Tweets 99,853
- Following 3,494
- Followers 43,245
- Likes 48,883
Pinned Tweet
My husband has recently discovered that he's a coffee snob.
Husband: I think I'd like a grinder.
12yo: Download it from the app store
Me:
Husband:
12yo:
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Possessionista M.D. retweeted
Whoever invented iced water was a genius. I’d like some water please. Yeah lemme get some future water in there too
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Possessionista M.D. retweeted
The adjective for metal is metallic, but not for iron, which is ironic. Thank you.
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RT @DaddyJew: due to the economy, the devil is now wearing Puma
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Possessionista M.D. retweeted
🎶Whoaaa here he comes
Watch out girl he’ll fact you up
Whooaaaa here he comes
He’s a maaaannsplainer🎶
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RT @WineMummy: Hear me out:
Prescription strength snacks.
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Possessionista M.D. retweeted
clocks go back next weekend, hopefully back to when we were kids because fuck this
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For the holidays his year, I’m giving my family members a card that says…
‘A donation has been made in your name to my therapist.’
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Possessionista M.D. retweeted
No debt. Perfect weight. 8 hours of sleep. Mental health in check. Clean diet. Zero alcohol. That was my prime era. I was 10.
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Possessionista M.D. retweeted
When I was just a little girl,
I asked my mother, what will I be?
Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?
Here’s what she said to me.
You’ll be late.
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Possessionista M.D. retweeted
Conservatives will say that liberals have Trump Derangement Syndrome for posting about blatant corruption and then drive 40 minutes to their nearest big city galleria mall to pull up to the Cheesecake Factory for a selfie to protest a random Barack Obama joke they misunderstood.
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Possessionista M.D. retweeted
I really think it's bullshit that hospitals make you pay for parking.
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Possessionista M.D. retweeted
feeling bad today. let me unwind by spending a couple hours on my Feeling Worse machine
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Possessionista M.D. retweeted
Experts say you should wait 60-90 minutes after waking up before drinking coffee.
But here’s the thing.
No.
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Possessionista M.D. retweeted
Having a dog is basically having a tiny roommate who doesn’t speak your language but has very strong opinions about your lifestyle.
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Possessionista M.D. retweeted
I’m really confuse how do they know an animal is extinct like?? U looked everywhere?
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