I live with a constant dread that someone is going to ask me what a hectare is
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Wearwolf. He’s got that drip on
wherewolf. he doesn’t know
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a random Brandon retweeted
You read the dude handbook, the Brochure?
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a random Brandon retweeted
“kill them with kindness” WRONG!!!! LIZARD ATTACK 🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎
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a random Brandon retweeted
Why does the IT manager have "semper fi" in his email signature . Sir you are resetting a password for a guy named doug
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a random Brandon retweeted
sharing milwaukee lore with my LA friends and realizing my childhood sounds like it was written by dr. seuss if he lived in the midwest and was blackout drunk
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You laugh, but this is an ADA accommodation for my specific genital deformity
First look at the ‘DUNE: PART 3’ popcorn bucket.
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a random Brandon retweeted
Just tried to kill a roach by spraying it with stetson but now he’s just racist
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a random Brandon retweeted
Having a cold is so weird. Should I go to sleep or eat 5000 calories
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a random Brandon retweeted
They should make mystery bruises for men
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962
Listening to my workout playlist (“The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” on repeat)
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a random Brandon retweeted
You're in her dms, I'm in her pants... Bc we're in a sisterhood and it's my turn to wear them
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a random Brandon retweeted
The tarot cards showed me choking on a gobbler in the wawa parking lot
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a random Brandon retweeted
"what's your biggest impact on the internet?" drawing mulder and scully with courage
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a random Brandon retweeted
fuuuuck I did this and now my daughter is on the Board of Commissioners for the Metropolitan Water Reclamation District of Greater Chicago 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️
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a random Brandon retweeted
I just found out the GPT in ChatGPT stands for Gomputer Pomputer Tomputer
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a random Brandon retweeted
stop asking about pronouns start asking about conjunctions. mine is whereupon.
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a random Brandon retweeted
[flirting] can i come over so you can beat this level of mario for me
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a random Brandon retweeted
“i'm a top" "i'm a bottom” Yeah, that’s how a horse costume works pal
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a random Brandon retweeted
Trying to explain the concept of trunk or treat to an extraterrestrial and they just vaporize me instantly out of profound pity
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