The more kids you have, or in my case, a large set of multiples, the more you understand about DNA and how people are born.
Yeah, you raise them to shape them, but they do come with certain things already there. Good or bad. You can nurture it, guide it, correct it and encourage it, but you are not starting with a blank slate.
Some are unlucky and received all the worse traits of everyone, and some are lucky are received the best traits of everyone in the past.
Genetics always win.
For me, the triplets are the perfect example. They’ve been raised the exact same way, together, every second of the day, and yet there are certain things in each of them that were just there from the beginning. Certain traits, personalities, tendencies and ways of reacting to the world that you simply cannot explain by how they were raised.
Countless times we’ll be sitting there saying, “Oh, this child is just like Grandpa,” or “This one is just like Grandma,” or “This child is exactly like my brother or sister.” When you see those patterns enough, you start paying attention. You start recognizing what may be coming before it fully shows itself.
When we see something good, we run with it. We nurture it and help it grow. When we see something that isn’t so good, that’s when we step in and try to break the pattern, redirect it or shape it into something better.
That’s where I think understanding genetics actually makes parenting easier and less stressful. You stop thinking everything your child does is because you did something right or wrong. You start understanding the person who showed up in front of you and parenting that individual child.
And I do think this is something people with one or two kids may not fully understand. When you have several children, especially multiples being raised side by side, you get a front row seat to it.
Same parents, same house, same rules, same love, same upbringing, and yet completely different people.
Genetics is a thing.
Part 2 is where it gets uncomfortable.