The reason Church dating culture - yes across denominations - is generally so cooked isn't even just the demonization of all normal and natural (male) sexuality and desire as "lust," but that when there ARE sparks that fly between two members, Church leaders either insert themselves into the dynamic at a stage when it isn't recommended (and kill the interest with their pressure), or arguably worse, refuse to lean on women to open themselves up to guys who would genuinely be good fits for them
The reality is that many women get anxious, especially in environments so suspicious of attraction like this, and shut down the courtship process even if they do feel something for the guy in question. Part of them, usually due to the church culture, feels it's wrong
These women need to be encouraged and gently called out by these authorities figures for their reluctance to date these men, who are generally co-parishioners and solid guys, and whose marriages would lead to much fruit for the church.
But these "leaders" are so cucked and clueless when it comes to women, they are unable to separate a woman's lack of interest in a man from her lack of comfort with being interested in men in general
In the past, elders had no time for this nonsense and would get these girls on the right path. They used their authority to direct the women towards what they wanted and needed, and took the emotional noise less seriously
Now instead they defer to these women's neuroticism and accept their hesitation at face value, with catastrophic results, as these women - without proper guidance - just loop for years
The "leaders" need to wake up and understand a) most women, especially young women, don't know what they want, and b) throughout human history it took a village to get people to pair up, and that people are going to church in large part because they are looking for this facilitation
This is a HUGE opportunity to being more people into the Church. Yet they are failing not only in this important civilizational task, but in their godly ones
Because ye shall know them by their fruits. And if your youth won't get together under your headship, I'm sorry but your fruits are barren. And the situation is too dire for your tree to stay in this state without being uprooted
I don't think this will lead to the Christian youth turning away from God, but it will lose them turning away from Church authority. Because if the church as it stands can't even facilitate Christian marriages, what is it good for? The more obedient youth will end up alone for following the teachings off the cliff, while the rebels will turn to the secular dating world to meet their wives, because for all its faults, at least the women there are more open to connection
This problem is a firebell in the night, and Church leaders better get serious about solving it. The leadership is trash, and all roads lead to their inability to address the roles and responsibilities of women in virtually any context.
We need a return of benevolent patriarchs, and the end of morally smug girl dads running things