Bernie. Buddy. Before anything else, I have to say thank you. I mean it.
Three posts in two days. THREE. Some teachers spend their whole weekend hunting for examples of bad logic to show their students. Not me. I just open your page and hit refresh. You are the most dependable supplier of classroom material I have ever had, and I've had a lot of freshmen. So from the bottom of my heart, Senator, thank you. You're the fruitcake that keeps showing up every Christmas whether anybody asked for it or not.
Okay. Now. "Get big money out of politics."
I read that out loud and had to sit down.
Bernie, you ARE big money in politics. You raised over 200 million dollars for your 2016 run. Then you did it AGAIN in 2020. Your campaign dropped $221,000 on chartered private jets in ONE quarter of 2025, on a tour literally called "Fighting Oligarchy." So let me make sure I've got this straight. You took donor money... bought jet fuel with it... flew to a rally... and told the crowd that money has too much influence in politics.
Senator, if hypocrisy burned like jet fuel, you'd never have to pay for a flight again. It's like a frog calling somebody ugly.
"But Mike, it was SMALL donors!"
Okay. Great. Good for you. Honestly. But think about what you just proved. If a guy from Vermont with the warmth of a DMV waiting room can raise 200 million bucks from regular working people, then regular working people already have a voice. And they use it. The "rigged system" you keep crying about is the exact system that turned you into a celebrity. You're sawing off the branch you're sitting on and then yelling at gravity. That's not a policy position. That's weapons-grade stupid, and I apologize to weapons.
And notice how you said "megadonors from BOTH parties"... and then only named one. Cute. Let me help you with the other half. I've got a red pen and nowhere to be.
Kamala Harris raised about 1.5 BILLION dollars in roughly fifteen weeks in 2024. Billion. With a B. Hollywood fundraisers, celebrity concerts, Wall Street checks, the whole circus. And she LOST. So much for money buying elections, Bernie. Turns out people don't care how many billionaires show up to your fundraiser when they're standing in the grocery store putting eggs back on the shelf.
Then there's Michael Bloomberg. He spent about a BILLION dollars of his own money in the 2020 Democratic primary. You were IN that race. You were standing on the same debate stage. And what did a billion dollars buy him? American Samoa. That's it. The most expensive souvenir in the history of mankind. The poor man couldn't blow out a candle, and he still outspent the entire field. What's next, a Democratic billionaire trying to buy the whole nomination with his own checkbook... wait. I'm being told Bloomberg already did that. Right next to you. Where was THIS tweet back then, Bernie?
George Soros put more than 125 million dollars into his Democracy PAC in a single donation back in 2021. Reid Hoffman. Tom Steyer. I could keep going until the bell rings. And the unions! Don't forget the unions. Citizens United freed them up to spend too, and they've been pouring hundreds of millions into Democratic campaigns ever since. Funny how that never makes it into your posts. Your mind is like a steel trap, Senator. Rusted shut. But only on the left side.
That's Quinn's Law Number Seven, alive and well: it's different when you're a Democrat. When Trump's side spends money, it's "buying the election." When Bloomberg lights a billion dollars on fire, when Soros writes nine-figure checks, when Harris burns through a billion and a half in fifteen weeks, that's "democracy." Same money. Same ads. Different jersey. Your brain is a browser with 47 tabs open and not a single one of them loading.
Now let's talk about Citizens United, because I'm fairly sure you've never read it. That's okay. Most people haven't. Pull up a chair. Class is in session.
Citizens United was a small nonprofit. In 2008 they made a documentary that criticized Hillary Clinton. The federal government told them they could NOT air it close to the election. That's the whole case. The government tried to ban a MOVIE because it said mean things about a politician.
And here's the part that made my jaw drop the first time I read it. During oral argument, the government's own lawyer admitted that under that law, the government could ban a BOOK if it said the wrong thing about a candidate close to an election. A book, Bernie. A BOOK. You've written a few of those. The Supreme Court said absolutely not, and pointed at the First Amendment: "Congress shall make no law... abridging the freedom of speech."
So when you shout "End Citizens United," what you're really saying is: let the government ban movies and books that criticize politicians. Politicians like YOU. That's not getting money out of politics. That's getting criticism out of politics, and guess who'd get to decide who talks? I'm glad to see you're not letting education get in the way of your ignorance.
As a medic, I took an oath to protect people. As a soldier, I swore an oath to support and defend the Constitution, and that includes the First Amendment. I did not raise my right hand so a senator could decide which movies Americans are allowed to watch in October. That part actually makes me angry.
Oh, and a little civics for the road. A senator can't "end" a Supreme Court decision with a tweet. That takes the Court reversing itself, or a constitutional amendment, which needs two-thirds of Congress and three-quarters of the states. You've been in Congress since the first Bush was president, and you still think laws happen by hashtag. Democrats have been promising to "end Citizens United" since Moby Dick was a minnow. They've had full control of Washington twice since that ruling came down. And they did... nothing. Zip. You're about as useful as a screen door on a submarine, Senator. There's a leak in the think tank and the water's up to your knees.
And here's the kicker. Campaign finance "reform" is the whole reason super PACs exist. Every time Congress capped what a person could give straight to a candidate, the money didn't vanish. It just walked around the building and came in through a side door. Outside groups. PACs. Super PACs. The harder you squeeze, the darker the money gets, because money that used to go straight to a candidate with his name on it now goes to some group called "Americans for Puppies and Sunshine" that nobody can trace. Quinn's Law Number One: liberalism always delivers the exact opposite of what it promises. You wanted less shady money. You built a shady money factory. You're more confused than a chameleon in a bag of Skittles.
Now let's get to your big genius fix. "Public funding of elections."
Bernie. Public funding means MY money.
My tax dollars. Out of my teacher's paycheck. Paying for campaign ads for politicians I can't stand. I already pay your salary. I already pay your pension. I already pay your staff. And now you want me to buy your commercials too? That's not getting money out of politics. That's making it MANDATORY. It's a campaign donation with a gun to my head. You're as useful as a battery-powered battery charger.
And we already TRIED this. Remember that little checkbox on your tax return for presidential campaigns? Do you know who blew that system up? A Democrat. What's next, a Democratic nominee turning down public funding in the general election because he could rake in way more from big donors... wait. I'm hearing Barack Obama already did that in 2008. First major-party nominee to walk away from it since the system started. He raised about three quarters of a BILLION dollars instead. And you cheered him the whole way.
So fine, let me propose my own plan, since taxpayer money is apparently the cure for everything. Every single American gets their own free campaign. Free yard signs. Free TV ads. Free robocalls at dinner time. The TV stations just eat the cost. Plus free campaign pizza on Fridays. This is not a radical thing, Bernie. It's just common sense.
Honestly, arguing with you about this is like trying to baptize a cat. Everybody ends up wet and bleeding, and nobody gets saved.
I'll get a little personal now. I keep watching Democrats scream about rich people in politics while BEING the rich people in politics. You own three houses. Nancy Pelosi's household is worth over two hundred million dollars. Your party is stuffed with millionaires who know every loophole in the tax code, because a lot of them wrote it, and then they turned around and used those loopholes on their own returns. So my offer still stands, and it never expires. Before you lecture ANYBODY about billionaires, file with the standard deduction. No itemizing. Pay DOUBLE what the IRS says you owe. Post the return online. Then come talk to me about greed. Until then, some hogs have all four feet and their snout in the trough, and you're squealing about the other pig.
So let's grade today's post, shall we?
You complained about big money after raising over 400 million dollars across two campaigns and flying private on donor cash. You said "both parties" and then only named one. You forgot Bloomberg, Soros, the unions, and a billion-and-a-half-dollar Harris campaign that lost anyway. You want to overturn a case that stopped the government from banning a MOVIE. And your big solution is to force taxpayers to pay for politicians they can't stand.
That's not a platform, Bernie. That's a 12-piece bucket of stupid with a side of hypocrisy and a large sweet tea. Grade: F. Please see me after class.
You smile about as often as a total solar eclipse, Senator, and you're almost always wrong, but never, ever in doubt. I'll give you consistency. It's just not the good kind. You've got delusions of adequacy and you're depriving some little village in Vermont of its idiot. Honestly, you're impossible to underestimate. Every time I think you've hit rock bottom, you show up with a shovel. I picture your last two brain cells arguing over who has to go to work today.
And after thirty-five years in Congress, with two renamed post offices to show for it, I still want to know one thing. What have you actually done for the working people you talk about in every single post? Not handouts. Not tweets. Not speeches. What have you BUILT? Because from where I'm sitting, the only thing you've ever truly campaigned for... is the next campaign.
Anyway. Thanks again for the material, Bernie. Seriously. See you tomorrow. I know you'll have something. You always do.
But what do I know? I'm only a physics teacher and a retired Army medic who actually read the Citizens United decision and the First Amendment, which is two more documents than the senator from Vermont, and a whole lot less money than his last campaign.
@TPUSA @JoJoFromJerz @atrupar
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