omnipresent in absentia perchance frittering my time away on... here. .•| sui juris |•.

Like I said
I bet trees close their eyes and pretend they are flying on windy days.
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My love is an oily rainbow in a puddle
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I wasn't there, I don't care, and don't need to know.
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Minding my own business is more than enough to do.😁
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It's pretty darn suspicious that I haven't written a good X post since USAID went down.
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Stopped by the post office yesterday and there was a sign on the door “Sorry we are out of stamps”. Me:
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It's dangerous to go alone take this (the key to the locked up deodorants at cvs)
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meow
i need a nonchalant response to “I hate you”
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My generation caught their germs like men. Through community punch bowls of seasonal fizz at holiday parties.
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“Villain Era” I whisper to myself as I leave the empty cardboard tube on the toilet paper holder
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I have an above-ground pool and an inground trampoline.
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Mad Scientist: I’m gonna release a virus Me: here, have a candy bar Happy Scientist: let’s play hopscotch
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Cat From Nowhere retweeted
back in my day we settled disputes by jousting with heavy farm machinery
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the real reason he was called "Smokey the Bear" was because he smoked. like a lot.
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A large liquid eye peers out of a massive floating cloud, open for conversation. The child in you engages by staring. The adult you blinks to break contact.
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Honey, you chose the Air bnb. Now, if you want me to relax you'll hang tight until I put on my ultraviolet head lamp and complete the jizz-scan of the upholstery.
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Cat From Nowhere retweeted
My AI says you guys aren’t my friends.
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Voice of Autumn
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Cat From Nowhere retweeted
"I don't like this ad" Oh wait, that's your tweet, sorry.
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My revenge body is just my regular body, never touching you again.
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It’s pretty disappointing that The Flintstones never made a cameo appearance in one of the Jurassic Park movies.
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