I was hesitant when she first mentioned the bull, but seeing her blindfolded and writhing with lust, I’ve never felt less a fool. An eternity of ecstasy is written on her face, forever transfixed, as the Minotaur’s spear length phallus blooms through her cervix.

I think we all expect mutant to be raising a mixed child, I just didn’t think it’d be because of the mom. Poor bull must be heart broken 💔

Wait if Mutant has a kid that means…Mutant… My man 😂🤝

If HowlingKanye has sex with a pregnant woman is it considered an abortion?

My date rants about her ex and “typical male dishonesty.” So I tell her the truth: I have been practicing this conversation in the mirror for eleven days and I still don’t know what to do with my hands.

Practicing an Alanis Morrissette song for karaoke at the gay bar tonight, it hits me maybe my uncle had reason to ask if I like girls or not.

Was just watching porn and it accidentally connected to my bluetooth speaker at max volume and likely woke up my entire apartment complex but I don’t think it matters much considering any of us living here can be near a school anyways

Put on my boots and the goddamn shoe elves fucked in them again last night. Ole gal is a squirter too feels like I stepped in a puddle.

Hey loved your work ❤️ But I thought I could make a couple tweaks to really make it POP🍾 I loved that we could collab like this and let me know if you’d like to do more!!

Explaining what a “gay pedophile” is to a meatspace mutual: “So pedophile is because deranged leftist women consider you a pedo for finding girls younger than them attractive.” “Took it and made it your own. Gotcha. And gay?” “Oh well. That’s for wanting to have sex with men.”

Doing my part to fight the gender pay by watching porn without women in it. #paygape

“At long last squire we have found it. The fountain of youth!” I cry. “Good show sir. Shall you do the honors of the first draught?” “Nay. It was your bravery and cunning that carried the day. By all means.” I say, expecting to leave him for dead if he turns into a baby or something. He brings the water to his lips, and in a flash is transformed into a younger, nubile form. “My god sir!” He exclaims in cherub falsetto. “I’m barely more than a boy!” “Oh I noticed.” I reply, loosening the buckle on my belt. “Sir?” He looks at me with an innocence in his eye that is not long for this world.

I get home from working at the factory that olds people. Dog dead in the corner. Has been for days but, ya know, miracles sometimes wander by. Throw a treat at him that he doesn’t catch. Same as ever. Open the door to quietly as not to wake her. She can’t be but 8 now. She was 25 when we got married. Looking back though, I doubt she was ever older than 16. Moves back in with her dad tomorrow. All she ever wanted, really. A tree grows beside the window. Casket or crib I can’t recall. He sang jingle bell rock every Christmas. The song stayed. And his eyes. Blue like the boundless Texas sky. Like the highway signs down 35. I sit on the floor, yesterday lapping at my mind like waves, stone succumbs to shore. The sea foam white as a wedding gown. I look over to her and try to speak, but I stutter; I drown.

Oh Christ I didn’t know he could de-howl people. The howlerversary is coming up to. Quick squire! Fetch me an effeminate boy whom I can sadly sodomize. I must earn my title, lest I lose it.

Those oncoming headlights on back country roads beckon you over, like eyes of a long lost lover. “Come home.” they say. “Come home.”

Too small I think of the first. Too big, the next. I dislodge the third shotgun barrel from my mouth. Ahh, just right. A Goldilocks gun. The perfect prescription to at last bloom my head into health.

How your email finds me

9/11 hurts more because we have woken up to the fact we lost. The man who led us has exiled himself to his ranch, painting in effigy of his ten ton guilt. New York City, our crown jewel, the world’s envy, has a Muslim mayor. We lost, and just now we wake up and grieve.